Worth It
by Ella Granger
Summary: Cameron knew it would be excruciating, but it was worth it. SHE was worth it. All the new emotions, the heartbreaking loss was worth it. HE was worth it.
1. She Was Worth It

**A/N: This is my first Stitchers fanfic. I am obsessed with this show and Camsten and Cameron's hair. That finale was excruciating and I've been unable to keep from writing sappy things to sooth my bleeding heart.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Stitchers or the characters or Cameron would have woken right up and Kirsten would have kissed him, then slapped him for doing that.**

He had to keep her safe. That was Cameron's only thought as he called Ayo and worked out his argument better. It didn't matter if she was angry if she was safe. He'd prefer it if she didn't have to be upset at all, but even if he died, he knew that the temporal dysplasia would help her to move on almost instantaneously. So all that mattered is that she be safe. He hadn't been able to keep Marta safe and he would always feel guilty for that, but he knew that if anything happened to Kirsten it would break him.

He wouldn't lie and say that it was love at first sight, but something had begun in that first glance. He never denied that she was a beautiful, intelligent woman, but that night at the club she was stunning. Her constant insistence on going into the field may have been under the guise of efficiency, but he knew it was because she was worried and didn't trust the safety of who she saw in the stitch to others. She may have no concept of time, and she thought that she didn't have emotions, but the more time he spent with her, the more she unwrapped the cold metal shell to reveal her soft gooey center.

Sure, he had first written it off as residual emotion, but that wasn't it. Stitching was CHANGING Kirsten. Each one showed her a new facet of human emotion and helped her make sense of her own emotions. Each stitch made her more human, and he saw that it terrified her. She didn't know how to handle all these new emotions, but he did what he could: be there for her.

Then there was Liam. Her boyfriend popped up out of no where after 2 years, now Cameron was ready to admit that he was jealous. The mere thought of Mr. Perfect Abs kissing Kirsten made him want to throw lamps through his window. But he knew that she had trouble with emotion and if Liam helped with that, he needed to do what was best for her. He did his best to help her work through her emotions, but it just proved to him that she didn't love Liam. As much as he didn't want that fact to change his actions, it did. If Kirsten didn't love Liam he had a chance. She couldn't marry Liam. The night she turned him down was one of the happiest of Cameron's life.

So when Cameron decided that he wanted Kirsten to stitch into him, he knew exactly what she would find. He knew that she would find memory after memory of her, most likely glowing from the powerful emotion surrounding her. He knew that being inside his head and feeling his emotion would finally connect the dots in her head. She would finally catch on to the fact that he was head over heels in love with her, a fact the rest of the lab knew a month ago.

Then when he woke up, Kirsten would give him time to heal. She'd act awkward but not broach the subject for at least a week. Then she would approach him with pity in her eyes and try to let him down easy, but he wouldn't let it get that far. The second he saw the look he would tell her to forget about it and to just go on as normal, he'd get over it eventually. Then she would try and fail to act normal again. It would be up to him to go back to the meaningless teasing until she got back into the swing of things. He would suppress all those feelings and forget that she knew.

Oh, who was he kidding: it would be excruciating. He would have to see her every day and see her act like everything was the same when it wasn't. Once she knew how he felt, there would be no reason to deny any feelings she might have for him. Meaning that when she did nothing, that she had no feelings for him. That knowledge would be worse than just assuming she was unaware. He would be absolutely miserable for at least a few months.

None of his pain mattered though, because she would be safe. She would be safe and it would be (in part) because of him. He couldn't be the perfect Greenpeace boyfriend she had broken up with. He couldn't be the strong protector that Tim or Fisher could be. But he could be the guy with the life saving memory. Four minutes of death and a year of heartbreak are worth that to him. SHE was worth that to him.

 **A/N: I'd love to hear what you think. I might write a second half with her point of view as she watches him sleep after he is brought back to life. Because he WILL live!**


	2. He Was Worth It

**A/N: I'm on a roll so here is the Kirsten POV I promised. It didn't turn out how I wanted, but here you go.**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own Stitchers, sadly.**

Kirsten didn't feel emotion like everyone else. Her temporal dysplasia made her get over both good and bad emotions almost instantaneously. So quickly that she didn't even recognize that she had emotions for the longest time. Her mother was dead, and it felt like she always had been. She didn't remember her at all, but that didn't bother her. Her father left her with Ed and she wasn't sad or angry, it was like he was never there to begin with. With Ed it wasn't any different emotionally. She saw him in the morgue and it felt like he'd been dead forever. She wasn't sad, but she was annoyed that the police thought it was a suicide. Then she joined the Stitchers program and things began to change.

From the very first stitch, things were different. She..felt things. She experienced emotions that she never had before and because it was someone else's memories, she had an easier time putting a name to them. She knew what grief felt like. Anger….Love. It was strange to finally have an actually feeling to place with the flashcards of emotions she had seen as a child.

Stitching into Lisa Ross had been the real game changer. The love in her memories was obvious and intoxicating. She'd never felt anything like it before. The residual emotion was inescapable. She felt the same desire to see Scott, to comfort him. She felt the same love, and realized that she would probably never feel the same way because of her TD.

Each stitch helped her make more sense of her own emotions and to feell them herself. When she saw Cameron's scar she felt..confusion, protectiveness, and something else shouldn't quite pinpoint. His over protectiveness of her after the Lisa Ross case annoyed her yes, but she also felt…safe. Someone was looking out for her and her emotions for the first time since Ed. And Cameron just understood her better than Ed ever did.

Every stitch brought forward more and more emotion, but love still alluded her. Then Liam showed up again. She knew that she enjoyed Liam's treatment of her. He was attentive and didn't get irritated by her TD. He cooked for her. He was a good kisser. But when all of their lives were in danger, she felt no urge at all to call Liam. Logically, she knew that in times where lives were in danger people felt the desire to connect to those that they loved. Even Cameron wanted her to call.

The longer Liam stayed the more secrets she had to keep. The more suspicious he got. Cameron asked her if she loved Liam, and if she were honest, how she felt toward Liam was nothing like the emotion she had felt in her stitches. What she did feel was anxious after seeing the premonition of Cameron in the corpse cassette.

She might have trouble sorting out her feelings, but she did know that she didn't want Camille, Linus, or especially Cameron to be hurt. They were important to her. They understood her better than anyone else and they cared about her wellbeing. In her own way, she did too. The image of Cameron in the corpse cassette was ingrained in her brain. She was worried.

When she said she didn't trust him, it was a lie. It was her being cautious and thought that saying she didn't trust him would make him open up. Never in her darkest nightmare did she think that Cameron would do something like stop his heart so she could stitch into him. It made it feel like her own heart was stopped. She felt..panicked, and angry at him for doing this to her.

Her stitch showed her all of Cameron's most recent emotionally charged memories, and they were all of her. Each memory was tinged with an emotion and that she hadn't expected: love. Each memory showed how much he wanted to protect her and make her happy. She didn't know. She hadn't noticed. How could she not have noticed.

When the first few shocks didn't wake him, Kirsten broke. The very thought of him not waking up was excruciating. She wouldn't get any more of his random nicknames. He wouldn't ever do that half smirk again. She wouldn't have to put up with his fifteen iterations of "Are you okay?" after every stitch. She'd even miss all the obscure nerd references she got all the time. She had things to tell him.

She had never felt more relieved than when they heard the first blips of the heart monitor. She didn't leave his side as she waited for him to wake. While the rest left she just clung closer to his side. She thought through every memory she saw in his memory and analyzed her own emotions at the time. One memory stuck out the most.

Now she knew. She knew the intense connect she felt between Lilly Ross and Scott. She felt that with Cameron. She felt the same desire to see him, to keep him safe. And now she knew the same heartbreaking loss. The excruciating pain when he wasn't coming back. And all of that would be worth it to see that little smirk again. All the emotions that had been woken up by the Stitchers program, all the dangerous situations she had been in. Even watching Cameron die in her arms was worth it. HE was worth it.

 **A/N: As before please Read and review. Feel free to drop a line with anything else you'd like me to try writing. Please and thank you.**


	3. Cameron the Coward

A/N: Since tonight is my last chance to write anything speculating about the next season, I thought I'd do as Artemis 173 and SouthrnBelle asked and continue on a little. I will probably do much like the first two chapters by making each one from the opposite point of view. This chapter is from Cameron's POV following him after he returns to the world of the living. It is written with the preview clips in mind but ultimately goes the way it goes. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Stitchers or the characters or the show would have been back on ages ago.

Cameron had never thought of himself as particularly cowardly. He had faced his heart surgery with his head up. He had handled the knowledge that there was technology in the world that let you hack into a dead person's brain with ease. He pulled Kirsten from danger on a weekly basis. And yet, he was avoiding alone time with Kirsten like the plague since he woke up.

It's not that he was afraid of what she would say, he already know how she would respond, it's that he was afraid of how he would react. Linus said she had been feeling emotionally raw since the stitch, well so was he. He had basically opened the gate and let Kirsten see every nook and cranny of his soul. He had a lot of thoughts that he would rather have kept to himself. Even if he didn't know exactly what memories Kirsten saw, he bet he knew who was in most of them.

And so Cameron put off the conversation. He had finally discussed the emotional repercussions of the stitch on her, but only because Camille and Linus had been there too. He pulled focus back to the case, or to Fischer, or played the tired card until he had put it off for nearly a week. He thought he was being sly, but by the end of the week he could tell she knew what he was trying to do.

So it was time. It had been a week. He had steeled himself for the conversation. He had played over any comment she might make and conditioned himself to respond with poise. He had practiced in front of a mirror and watched tapes of his own responses until he was certain that there is nothing she could say that would upset him. They had just finished a case, and Camille and Linus had dinner with his parents. It was the right time. So Cameron steeled himself and walked over to where Kirsten was packing up her bag to go home.

"Hey Stretch, wanna' have a celebratory dinner at my place? Apparently Tim is a big softy at heart: he sent over a huge lasagna that I don't have any chance of finishing on my own before it goes bad." It was performed calmly and precise. It almost sounded like their normal talk again. Cameron was very proud of himself. That is, until Kirsten turned toward him and sighed.

"Sorry, can't. What with everything that been's going on I haven't had time to do homework and I have a test tomorrow. Some of us didn't graduate college at sixteen." With that she slung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the door. "But feel free to bring me some lasagna tomorrow."

She was blowing him off. Kirsten never had homework to do. He'd seen her submit five assignments while she was drinking coffee at the debriefing this morning. So the tides had turned. This is great. Either she is angry at him for putting it off, or she's decided that whatever she saw in his head just isn't worth mentioning when she could make her point clear other ways.

So Cameron went home and ate much more lasagna than he should and obsessed over what could have possessed her to do this now. He is the one that has a right to be embarrassed and put things off. She shouldn't get angry at him for that. But she doesn't have that great a grasp of emotion either though, she it might not be obvious to her.

This woman is infuriating. She doesn't feel normal emotions so you can't guess what she's feeling, if anything. She is overly logical, but always seems to add emotion in the most random times. He had saved her life dozens of times with very little signs of gratitude. He was probably her best friend after Camille and still barely knew a thing about her. She was infuriating and frustrating and…he was still completely in love with her. Even after all the trouble she has been, and how embarrassing and stressful this week post-death had been, Cameron had to admit that it was all worth it.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought and if you want another chapter from Kirsten's POV.


	4. Kirsten the Brave

A/N: Thank you to everyone for the support! That season premier was so emotionally unsatisfying and was accompanied by quite a few pterodactyl screeches as I tried to handle the feels. How about you guys?

Disclaimer: I do not own Stitchers or the characters or the episodes would be twice and long and on three times a week.

From the moment Cameron woke up, Kirsten had tried to get a moment alone with Cameron to discuss what she saw in the stitch, and how she felt about that. She wasn't quite sure what to say, but it was Cameron. They were best friends and he always knew what she was saying and thinking even when she wasn't quite sure. He would know how to help her express it.

At first, she had written it off as him trying to throw himself into his work and forget his mostly-dead experience. He had been very insistent that everyone go work on the case wholeheartedly. He tried to make it up to Fischer for saving his life. He had the whole crew over for dinner. But at the end of dinner, she had made to talk to him alone and he had said that he was really tired. He looked pretty drained, so she left it at that and left. But when something along those lines happened multiple times a day for nearly a week, she knew something was up.

So Kirsten started thinking, maybe he was embarrassed about what she saw in his head. He'd never expressed these emotions out loud, and she'd only seen bits and pieces. Maybe what he felt was actually just a crush and he didn't think workplace relationships were okay. But he'd seemed okay with Camille and Linus hooking up. There was also the matter of Marta. The last girl he'd had a thing for, who had ended up in a hospital because of something he blamed himself for. Who then woke up, caused mischief, and then died in front of him. He had to still be recovering from that. Then there is tank top girl. She is an attractive woman that is interested and lives nearby. Maybe he wants to see where that could go.

The whole dying thing must have been emotionally straining too. He was probably questioning his entire existence and his part in the grand scheme of the world. He was probably doing the figures to estimate when he would die naturally and counting down the days. Or maybe he feels the opposite. Maybe he feels like he has a new lease on life and doesn't want to take one moment for granted.

The point was, whatever he was feeling: Kirsten couldn't sympathize with him. Even with her emotions sort of unlocked after the stitch, she still had the emotional understanding of an eight year old. She could kind of piece together her emotions, but guessing the emotions of anyone who she wasn't stitched into was all but impossible for her. Cameron on the other hand, was a whiz at knowing how she felt before she did. He was intelligent and kind and frankly would be a brilliant, caring boyfriend. Kirsten would be a mess.

Kirsten wasn't prepared to be the type of girlfriend Cameron needed. She couldn't guess his emotional states, much less sympathize with them. She is grossly independent to the point of finding help obnoxious. She gets absorbed in work frequently. Her sleeping and eating schedules are laughable. And to top it off, she doesn't really do affection. She would be a terrible girlfriend.

If she were to date Cameron he would end up miserable and/or turn more into a mothering figure for her newly discovered emotions. Or she would become upset at her inability to connect in a real way with her boyfriend even though she genuinely loved him. So she decided. She wouldn't tell him what she saw in the stitch. She would play dumb to his feelings for her. She would give him the cold shoulder. She would keep him at arms length until he got over her. Eventually, she might even be strong enough to push him toward another woman.

So when Cameron finally made the effort to get alone with her, clearly to discuss the stitch, she blew him off. She gave a lame excuse and tried to play it off like it was normal, but she saw the hurt in his eyes. She knew that he knew she was pushing him away, and it hurt. She didn't like seeing him upset. All she wanted to do was walk back and relax the crinkled muscles in between his eyebrows. But she didn't. Because he deserved so much more than she could give. Sitting at the sidelines and suffering would be worth it to see him end up happier in the long run.

A/N: Don't forget to drop a line saying what you think. Also, stay tuned, I can't just end it at this.


	5. Cameron's Best Friend

A/N: Thanks for all the support everybody. Unfortunately, I only see this story going one more chapter after this to wrap things up, but I will continue writing for Stitchers (I may or may not have a list of ten story ideas ready to go any time now). Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Stitchers or the characters or Camsten would have been canon by the end of episode 1.

Cameron was beating himself for not having learned to expect the unexpected with Kirsten. She didn't react to things like most people. Even with her emotions back, she's hardly a normal girl. Which was something he loved her for. So when Cameron assumed she would talk it out with him and let him down easy, he should have guessed that she would do the exact opposite and just cut him out of her personal life.

They still worked together, there's no going around that. She trusted him with the stitch and would drag him off to solve the case, but when it was done she would disappear or drag Camille off. The four of them rarely had group dinners anymore and when they did Kirsten usually found a reason to leave early. If there is one thing Kirsten Clarke isn't, it's subtle. She was clearly trying to give him the message that she knew how she felt and it is not reciprocated.

Cameron thought he was taking it pretty well for the first few weeks. Sure he might have partaken in more wine than usual, and maybe he started using his punching bag more, but he was doing okay for the most part. Yes, it hurt to know she didn't feel the same, but what hurt more was that she was also his best friend before all this. He missed forcing her to watch Doctor Who, just for her to dissect it until he tried to turn it off and she took the remote so she could keep watching it. He missed their group dinners where Kirsten would try to help and end up just setting the smoke alarm off. He missed having inside jokes that she would bring up after particularly bad cases. All that was gone.

Even if Cameron was still in love with her, and he DEFINITELY was, the pain of unrequited love was nothing to the pain of lost friendship. He was used to "knowing" that she didn't love him, but without her friendship, his life was pretty grey. Even Linus started to worry about him and stop by a few times a week with some excuse but really to check on him. Finally, Cameron decided that enough was enough.

The four of them had made plans to have dinner at his place that night after the stitch. When Kirsten went to change after the stitch, Cameron cornered Camille and Linus and told them to disappear right after dinner and fast. Neither one asked why because his intent to finally get her to talk was quite obvious.

Dinner went smoothly with Kirsten pulling Camille into the living room for girl talk to get away from Cameron and Linus "helping" out with food. They all ate and did their usual joking, and when they were all done eating Camille offered to clear the table for them.

"You did all the cooking Cameron; I insist on at least helping clean up. Linus could you grab that platter for me." With that the two disappeared into the kitchen while Kirsten immediately went to work checking her phone. That is, until the door slammed shut and she startled awake. Once it hit her she deadpanned to Cameron.

"I see that I've been set up here. All right, out with it. What's wrong with me now that you think I need to get out?" She was putting as much irritation into her voice as possible, but he saw the fear flash in her eyes. He opened his mouth, but she cut in again. "I'm really handling this emotions thing fine. You don't have to constantly ask me how I'm doing, if something was actually wrong I'd tell you." She crossed her arms in a defensive mechanism and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"No you wouldn't." She started to protest but he raised a hand. "But that's not what I want to talk about when you stitched into my head." Her eyes widened and she to stand, but Cameron moved to block the door.

"Whoa there tiger, you're not going anywhere. Now we both know what you saw in there." She looked ready to bolt from the room and was looking everywhere but him. "And I thought I'd tell you that it doesn't matter." Kirsten whipped her eyes to her face in confusion.

"You can forget what you saw in there and we'll both pretend you don't know it and go on with our lives. Because all of this really isn't worth losing our friendship over." She started at him blank-faced and wide eyed. Cameron was suddenly nervous and couldn't help but run a hand across his neck.

"I mean you're my best friend Stretch and I miss you."

Silence. Utter silence. A blank stare. Nothing. Cameron sighed and moved to clear the table. Clearly she was done with him. The plates were clattering so much he almost didn't hear her whisper before she left the room:

"I miss you too."

A/N: You know what to do: drop me a line if you liked it!


	6. More than Kirsten's Friend

A/N: Here is the final chapter of this tale. It's been fun, but this is hardly the last Camsten story I shall write, so keep an eye out. Thank you all for the support, it's been wonderful. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Stitchers or the characters or that elevator scene in the season premiere would have gone much differently.

It took Cameron saying it for Kirsten to recognize her own feelings: she missed him. She'd gotten so focused on doing what she thought was best for him and keeping any sign of affection from the equation, that she forgot they had been best friends before the stitch.

 _Best friends_. It was an accurate term for their relationship pre-stitch. They told each other almost everything. They hung out all the time outside work. He'd gotten her to watch Doctor Who and she was teaching him some of her coding tricks. They were best friends….and she missed him too. This whole thing had left a Cameron sized hole in her life that was bigger than she realized.

She'd found herself wanting to turn and make faces at Cameron during debriefings. Or to crack jokes over the com while she was stitching. Sometimes she'd be eating dinner and remember how much better Cameron's cooking was. Or she'd have a weird residual emotion and want to talk to Cameron to sort out what it was. Camille did her best, but she just didn't get her like Cameron did.

Seeing him distressed like this hurt. Sure she'd known he'd be heartbroken and pine after her for a while, but she never counted on him just wanting to be friends again. And she didn't know what to do about that. She'd get to talk to and joke around with Cameron again. They wouldn't be as awkward at work anymore. But the truth was that Kirsten didn't think she would be strong enough to just be his friend anymore. Cameron might be able to mask and ignore his love for her, but Kirsten's emotions are too new and raw. Being his friend wouldn't be enough for long and then she would end up hurting him.

So Kirsten left. She managed a blank face until he had given up and turned to pick up more dishes, and then she headed for the door. Just before she reached it she lost control for a second and whispered:

"I miss you too." She prayed he hadn't heard her and fast walked to the door. Which Cameron quickly had reached and blocked. He looked desperate and angry and perfect. Why did he have to make this so hard on her?

"If you miss me, then why are you doing this?" She stayed silent, struggling to maintain composure.

"If you won't tell me what you saw, then at least tell me how it made you feel?" Cameron looked vulnerable and sad and Kirsten turned her back on him to keep herself in check.

"What emotion is strong enough to force you to turn your back on your best friend and treat him like a stranger? To make him feel like his literal death meant nothing to you." Kirsten didn't know when she'd started crying, but she scoffed at that and wiped her face as she turned back to him.

"Alright fine. You want to know what emotion I'm feeling. Anger. Anger that you won't just let me go and move on with your life. Fear that you will move on. Sadness that I don't get to talk to you most of the time. Determined to go through with my plan. And disappointed that I let this conversation get this far." Cameron just stared for a moment in shock.

"Plan?" Of course, that would be the point Cameron focused on. The cat as out of the bag, why not?

"My plan to push you away so you no longer love me and find someone better for you than me." Kirsten crossed her arms and tried to hold herself together while a multitude of emotions flashed across his face: confusion, sadness, anger, and then…hope.

"Better for me? You mean to tell me that you are pushing me away because you don't think that you are good for me? Why?" Cameron was standing up straighter and looked so hopeful that Kirsten forgot for a moment and the words just popped out.

"I'm emotionally inmature and can't empathize properly. I'd be a terrible girlfriend." Cameron's eyebrows raised and a smirk began.

"Girlfriend? So your only qualm with being my girlfriend would be that you don't think you're skilled enough in emotions?" Kirsten's face turned beet red to hear her logic described that way, but nodded yes. Cameron meanwhile took a step closer to her.

"So your pulling away has nothing to do with unreciprocated feelings at all?" Cameron was very close and frankly Kirsten was starting to feel dizzy, so she just nodded again.

"Well then…" Cameron leaned in very close, barely a breath away. "You…"

"Really are the Queen of the Estupidos!" Kirsten jumped in surprise as Cameron jumped back and took to pacing in front of her.

"You really think that you are emotionally immature? Immature would have been dating me after coming to all those conclusions but deciding your emotions were more important. And as for empathizing, it'll come to you." Kirsten didn't know what to say to that, but it was okay because Cameron was far from done.

"And while I'm at it, I think I should get a say in whether or not you are good for me thank you very much. Considering I fell in love with you when you didn't really have that many emotions, I'd say that I have a pretty good idea what I'm getting into here." Kirsten couldn't resist quirking a smile at that.

"You seem pretty confident that I'll actually agree to be your girlfriend Dr. Goodkin." Cameron stopped and got very close again, his green eyes shining.

"If you weren't going to you wouldn't be standing here anymore." He gave her a big cocky grin that Kirsten couldn't help but return.

"Smart aleck," she muttered right before she crashed their lips together. Maybe she was wrong, Cameron had helped her through every other stage of getting her emotions, why did she every think that he wouldn't be the biggest part of helping her through the full return of them…in the best way possible.

It's true that Kirsten was never great at empathizing with other people's emotions, but she good at empathizing with Cameron. She did have to fight her independent nature for a while, but she enjoyed doing things with Cameron instead of alone. She didn't always have the best grasp on identifying her own feelings, but Cameron was always there to help. In many ways, this was the best thing to ever happen to either one of them, or the team. They worked so in sync that they guaranteed the continuity of the lab in the future. And as corny as it sounds:

They all lived happily ever after.

THE END

A/N: There you go folks, the conclusion to this tale. I hope you enjoyed it; if you did, stop a moment and drop me a line telling me what you thought.


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